My fake Christmas Carol this year is a bit greusome. It is sung to the tune of "Here comes Santa Clause"
Here come Kim Jung-ill, here comes Kim Jung-ill
Right through the DMZ
Tanks and army they’re a blitzin’
Right towards you and me
Bombs are falling, children screaming
It’s real scary tonight
Grab your gun and say your prays
Cause Kim Jung-ill comes tonight
Here come Kim Jung-ill, here comes Kim Jung-ill
Right through the DMZ
He’s got a bag that fill with missiles
Pointed at you and me
See the shells explode and bodies splatter
Oh what a horrible sight
So jump in the shelter and cover your head
Cause Kim Jung-ill comes tonight
Here come Kim Jung-ill, here comes Kim Jung-ill
Right through the DMZ
He doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor
He hates you just the same
Kim Jung-ill thinks we’re all Jimmy Carter
Cowards who will never fight
So lock and load and take good aim
‘Cause otherwise he is right
Until Tomorrow
Fai Mao
The Blogger who seems to like gallows humor
Showing posts with label Christmas Carrols. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas Carrols. Show all posts
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Friday, December 18, 2009
We Wish You a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
And a prosperous New Year!
Good Fung-Shui we bring to you and your kin
And dim-sum and char-sui and TVB Cheer
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
And a healthy New Year
Good flu shots we bring to settle your fear
But what of the pollution that still fills our air?
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We’re not sure about the next year!
A property bubble continues to rise
But they tell us it’s harmless and nothing to fear.
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
And we'll be in Shanghai next year!
Until Next Time
Fai Mao
The blogger who isn't really a song writer
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
And a prosperous New Year!
Good Fung-Shui we bring to you and your kin
And dim-sum and char-sui and TVB Cheer
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
And a healthy New Year
Good flu shots we bring to settle your fear
But what of the pollution that still fills our air?
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We’re not sure about the next year!
A property bubble continues to rise
But they tell us it’s harmless and nothing to fear.
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
We wish you a Hong Kong Christmas
And we'll be in Shanghai next year!
Until Next Time
Fai Mao
The blogger who isn't really a song writer
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Rudolph's on the Red-Line Train Dear
Sung to the tune or Rudolph the Red Nosed Raindeer
Rudolph’s on the Red-Line train dear, you can reach him on his cell phone.
None of the other riders mind if he receives a call.
They'd never let his talking, bother them in the least.
Mostly they’re just chatting or listening to MP3’s
Then on one crowded afternoon a SenSan couldn’t hear.
When he began to shout into his phone
Rudolph got mad and punched him out.
Now all the MTR riders always back away in fear.
They never shout on cell phones if they see that Rudolph’s near.
Notes;
1.The MTR is the Hong Kong subway system
2. SenSan is Chinese for "Mister" "Man"or "Husband"
Until Next Time
Fai Mao
The Blogger with a twisted sense of Christmas
Rudolph’s on the Red-Line train dear, you can reach him on his cell phone.
None of the other riders mind if he receives a call.
They'd never let his talking, bother them in the least.
Mostly they’re just chatting or listening to MP3’s
Then on one crowded afternoon a SenSan couldn’t hear.
When he began to shout into his phone
Rudolph got mad and punched him out.
Now all the MTR riders always back away in fear.
They never shout on cell phones if they see that Rudolph’s near.
Notes;
1.The MTR is the Hong Kong subway system
2. SenSan is Chinese for "Mister" "Man"or "Husband"
Until Next Time
Fai Mao
The Blogger with a twisted sense of Christmas
Friday, December 05, 2008
A Fai Mao Christmas Hymnal
Here are the lyrics of all the spoofs that I've done over the years that I can find.
Some are simply silly and other were written in response to social issues at the time.
2008
Noisy Night
(Silent Night)
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy all is bright.
Round yon bus stop mother and child.
Waiting patiently in the crowd
‘Till they catch a ride home, till they catch a ride home
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy, all is bright
Standing grumpily in the queue
Hoping to find a seat for the ride home
Hoping that it won’t rain, hoping that it won’t rain
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy, all is bright
Still the quiet place calls to each one
Waiting silently never proud
‘till we find our way home, ‘til we find our way home
Noisy night, smoggy night
Sitting still, sitting quiet
Knowing that Christmas is in the heart
Ignoring the neon is just the start
‘till we find our way home, ‘till we find our way home
___________
This Carroll was written because at this time in 2007 there were a number of horrific suicides in the government housing complex known as Tin Shui Wai
2007
O Little Town of Tin Shui Wai
(O Little Town of Bethlehem)
O little town of Tin Shui Wai,
How still we see thee lie.
Above thy deep unemployed sleep
The silent stars drive by;
Yet the dark Mercedes hideth
The everlasting bureaucrat;
Whose hopes and fears for retirement years
Are fading as you die.
For children born of immigrants,
And gathered in one place
While parents work the siblings keep
their watch of indifferent love.
O buildings packed together
Proclaim the contractors greed.
In flats so small a barbie doll.
Would find them cramped and leave.
How silently, how silently
The wordless grief is given!
The hopeless lives of migrant wives
Their fate fixed for all time.
No ear may hear them falling;
‘till on the ground they lie,
Where hopeless grief collides with concrete
And all we can do is cry.
Where children bound hand and foot,
Pray simply to be spared;
Their misery cries out to me,
Can we not do better by thee?
Where charity stands watching,
And LEGCO holds wide the door,
The dark night screams, the body breaks,
and the coroner comes once more.
O lonely child of Tin Shui Wai,
Descend not to the pavement, we pray;
Cast not out thy self but stay within;
Find some hope in life today!
There is more for you than you see
More than the Donald Tsang could ever say;
For though it is true that he has ignored you
You don't deserve to die.
2007
Cell Phone Bells
(Silver Bells)
City sidewalks, busy sidewalks.
Dressed in DKNY style
In the bus there's a few old men standing
Children pouting
People staring
walking mile after mile
And on ev'ry street corner you'll hear
Cell-phone bells, cell-phone bells
It's still work time in the city
Ring-a-ling, don't you hate them to sing?
Soon it will be dim-sum time
Strings of street lights
Even stop lights
Blink a bright red and green
As the shoppers rush home with their cell-phones
Hear the snacks crunch
See the tourist bunch "Is this the way to Mong Kok?"
And above all this bustle you'll hear
Cell-phone bells, Cell-phone bells
It's still work time in the city
Ring-a-ling, don't you hate it when they sing?
Soon it will be dim-sum time
2001
Jingle Bells - Hong Kong Style
Rushing through Mong Kok in a Kowloon Motor Buss
Over the bumps we go
Talking all the way (yak yak yak)
Bells on Cell Phones Ring
Making spirits bright
Oh, what fun it is to sing a Cell Phone Song Tonight
Oh Cell phones ring, cell phones ringPeople answer "Wai?"
Oh what fun it is to ride in a buss tonight
_______
2002
Walking in a Hong Kong Wonderland
(Winter Wonderland)
Tram bells ring are you listening?
In the street lights are blinking
Its crowded tonight
What a frenetic sight
Walking in a Hong Kong wonderland
Gone away is bluebird
We killed them all because of flu birds
We'd rather not cough
As we walk the along
Walking in a Hong Kong wonderland
In the crosswalk we can see an old man pushing
a cart full of paper brown He'll say: Can you help meWe'll say: No, Man
But you'll be there by sundown
Later on we'll conspire,As we push our stock price higher
As we live and we die
In our flats in the sky
Walking in a Hong Kong wonderland
When we get old we'll retire
In Canada or Australia
We'll frolic and play
Though far far a way
Walking in a Hong Kong wonderland
2005
Hong Kong 12 Days
(12 days of Christmas)
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A pirated CD
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a Pirated CD
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four cell-phones calling,
Three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Five golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD!
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six taxis honking
Five Golden rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD!
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the Eight Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight ferries crossing, Seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine Tours a touring, eight ferries crossing, seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten ledge-co members, Nine tours a touring, eight ferries crossing, Seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me.
Eleven buses parking, ten ledge-co members, nine tours a touring, eight ferries crossing, seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A 12 square foot flat
Eleven buses parking. ten Ledge-co members, Nine tours a touring, eight ferries crossing, seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
2006
Chestnuts Roasting in an Open Barrel
Chestnuts roasting in an open barrel
Bus fumes getting up your nose
People going by looking down at their shoes
talking on their cell phones
Everybody knows it rude to push through the crowd
Yet seldom does anybody care
But from time to time you you can see and you can hear
The sound of someone spreading cheer
Everyday we walk righ past all those other folks
Looking neither left or right
But even in the crowd and noise that everywhere here
May you find a Merry Christmas and good cheer
Until Next Time
Fai Moa
The Christmas Blogger
Some are simply silly and other were written in response to social issues at the time.
2008
Noisy Night
(Silent Night)
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy all is bright.
Round yon bus stop mother and child.
Waiting patiently in the crowd
‘Till they catch a ride home, till they catch a ride home
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy, all is bright
Standing grumpily in the queue
Hoping to find a seat for the ride home
Hoping that it won’t rain, hoping that it won’t rain
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy, all is bright
Still the quiet place calls to each one
Waiting silently never proud
‘till we find our way home, ‘til we find our way home
Noisy night, smoggy night
Sitting still, sitting quiet
Knowing that Christmas is in the heart
Ignoring the neon is just the start
‘till we find our way home, ‘till we find our way home
___________
This Carroll was written because at this time in 2007 there were a number of horrific suicides in the government housing complex known as Tin Shui Wai
2007
O Little Town of Tin Shui Wai
(O Little Town of Bethlehem)
O little town of Tin Shui Wai,
How still we see thee lie.
Above thy deep unemployed sleep
The silent stars drive by;
Yet the dark Mercedes hideth
The everlasting bureaucrat;
Whose hopes and fears for retirement years
Are fading as you die.
For children born of immigrants,
And gathered in one place
While parents work the siblings keep
their watch of indifferent love.
O buildings packed together
Proclaim the contractors greed.
In flats so small a barbie doll.
Would find them cramped and leave.
How silently, how silently
The wordless grief is given!
The hopeless lives of migrant wives
Their fate fixed for all time.
No ear may hear them falling;
‘till on the ground they lie,
Where hopeless grief collides with concrete
And all we can do is cry.
Where children bound hand and foot,
Pray simply to be spared;
Their misery cries out to me,
Can we not do better by thee?
Where charity stands watching,
And LEGCO holds wide the door,
The dark night screams, the body breaks,
and the coroner comes once more.
O lonely child of Tin Shui Wai,
Descend not to the pavement, we pray;
Cast not out thy self but stay within;
Find some hope in life today!
There is more for you than you see
More than the Donald Tsang could ever say;
For though it is true that he has ignored you
You don't deserve to die.
2007
Cell Phone Bells
(Silver Bells)
City sidewalks, busy sidewalks.
Dressed in DKNY style
In the bus there's a few old men standing
Children pouting
People staring
walking mile after mile
And on ev'ry street corner you'll hear
Cell-phone bells, cell-phone bells
It's still work time in the city
Ring-a-ling, don't you hate them to sing?
Soon it will be dim-sum time
Strings of street lights
Even stop lights
Blink a bright red and green
As the shoppers rush home with their cell-phones
Hear the snacks crunch
See the tourist bunch "Is this the way to Mong Kok?"
And above all this bustle you'll hear
Cell-phone bells, Cell-phone bells
It's still work time in the city
Ring-a-ling, don't you hate it when they sing?
Soon it will be dim-sum time
2001
Jingle Bells - Hong Kong Style
Rushing through Mong Kok in a Kowloon Motor Buss
Over the bumps we go
Talking all the way (yak yak yak)
Bells on Cell Phones Ring
Making spirits bright
Oh, what fun it is to sing a Cell Phone Song Tonight
Oh Cell phones ring, cell phones ringPeople answer "Wai?"
Oh what fun it is to ride in a buss tonight
_______
2002
Walking in a Hong Kong Wonderland
(Winter Wonderland)
Tram bells ring are you listening?
In the street lights are blinking
Its crowded tonight
What a frenetic sight
Walking in a Hong Kong wonderland
Gone away is bluebird
We killed them all because of flu birds
We'd rather not cough
As we walk the along
Walking in a Hong Kong wonderland
In the crosswalk we can see an old man pushing
a cart full of paper brown He'll say: Can you help meWe'll say: No, Man
But you'll be there by sundown
Later on we'll conspire,As we push our stock price higher
As we live and we die
In our flats in the sky
Walking in a Hong Kong wonderland
When we get old we'll retire
In Canada or Australia
We'll frolic and play
Though far far a way
Walking in a Hong Kong wonderland
2005
Hong Kong 12 Days
(12 days of Christmas)
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A pirated CD
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a Pirated CD
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four cell-phones calling,
Three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Five golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD!
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six taxis honking
Five Golden rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD!
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the Eight Day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight ferries crossing, Seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine Tours a touring, eight ferries crossing, seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten ledge-co members, Nine tours a touring, eight ferries crossing, Seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me.
Eleven buses parking, ten ledge-co members, nine tours a touring, eight ferries crossing, seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A 12 square foot flat
Eleven buses parking. ten Ledge-co members, Nine tours a touring, eight ferries crossing, seven (Filipino) maids a shopping, six Taxis honking
Five Golden Rings
Four cell-phones calling, three cake shop vouchers, two soy sauce chickens and a pirated CD
2006
Chestnuts Roasting in an Open Barrel
Chestnuts roasting in an open barrel
Bus fumes getting up your nose
People going by looking down at their shoes
talking on their cell phones
Everybody knows it rude to push through the crowd
Yet seldom does anybody care
But from time to time you you can see and you can hear
The sound of someone spreading cheer
Everyday we walk righ past all those other folks
Looking neither left or right
But even in the crowd and noise that everywhere here
May you find a Merry Christmas and good cheer
Until Next Time
Fai Moa
The Christmas Blogger
Noisy Night
Every Year I try to re-write at least one Christmas Carrol for Hong Kong. Last year was a really sad one this year not so much:
Noisy Night
(Silent Night)
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy all is bright.
Round yon bus buss stop mother and child.
Waiting patiently in the crowd
‘Till they catch a ride home, till they catch a ride home
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy, all is bright
Standing grumpily in the queue
Hoping to find a seat for the ride home
Hoping that it won’t rain, hoping that it won’t rain
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy, all is bright
Still the quiet place calls to each one
Waiting silently never proud
‘till we find our way home, ‘til we find our way home
Noisy night, smoggy night
Sitting still, open heart
Knowing that Christmas is in the heart
Ignoring the neon is just the start
‘till we find our way home, ‘till we find our way home
Links to the previous year's carrols:
http://faimao.blogspot.com/2006/12/cell-phone-bells.html
http://faimao.blogspot.com/2007/11/o-little-town-of-tin-shui-wai.html
http://faimao.blogspot.com/2005/12/jingle-bells-hong-kong-style.html
Until Next Time
Fai Mao
The Blogger who wishes you a very merry Christmas
Noisy Night
(Silent Night)
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy all is bright.
Round yon bus buss stop mother and child.
Waiting patiently in the crowd
‘Till they catch a ride home, till they catch a ride home
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy, all is bright
Standing grumpily in the queue
Hoping to find a seat for the ride home
Hoping that it won’t rain, hoping that it won’t rain
Noisy night, smoggy night
All is busy, all is bright
Still the quiet place calls to each one
Waiting silently never proud
‘till we find our way home, ‘til we find our way home
Noisy night, smoggy night
Sitting still, open heart
Knowing that Christmas is in the heart
Ignoring the neon is just the start
‘till we find our way home, ‘till we find our way home
Links to the previous year's carrols:
http://faimao.blogspot.com/2006/12/cell-phone-bells.html
http://faimao.blogspot.com/2007/11/o-little-town-of-tin-shui-wai.html
http://faimao.blogspot.com/2005/12/jingle-bells-hong-kong-style.html
Until Next Time
Fai Mao
The Blogger who wishes you a very merry Christmas
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