Friday, February 13, 2009

Renaming the University Department

The Really smart, looks 25 years younger than she is, pretty, hard working, loving and sexy wife works for an institution of higher learning here in Hong Kong. They are trying to rename their department and are offering a HKD $500.00 prize to the winning entry. I would not know this except I was in her office this afternoon and heard the professor in the next office talking to himself as he worked on is entry. When I realized what he was doing I got my MP3 out and recorded the soliloquy which is transcribed below

Geez, I really want to win that prize! Let me think, Think, think!

How about: Department of Politically Correct Education

But wait, the word "Department" is exclusionary and as academics we desire a non restrictive, open environment that will never do. We don't want to have our students compartmentalized into preexisting formulas designed to keep them from being able to think for themselves but knowledgeable enough to perform the menial repetitive work that the conspiracy of the bourgeois and religious leaders have planned for them.

How about: Center for Politically Correct Education

But wait, the word Center implies a locus of control which has connotative resonance, in most personal narratives, with the male centered hegemony favored by masochistic reactionary forces of non-deconstruction exclusively heterosexual thinkers. It is a code word for the oppression of women and minorities!

How about: Support Group for Politically Correct Education

But wait, the word "Education" is indicative of route learning pedagogy which reinforces the idea that we are unable to rise above our gender, class, race, sexuality or religion. Education can mean that someone is imparting knowledge or facts to us in a preexisting format that has been developed to further the oppression of the poor and lowly. We can't use the word education!

How about: Support Group for Politically Correct Learners

But wait, the words "Support Group," are not right. Isn't there a little bit of a negative connotation in them? It isn't like we are all a bunch of alcoholic heroine addicts. I mean I'm sure some arn't. We need a phrase with a more positive conotation.

How about:Sharing Group of Politically Correct Learners

Now we are getting somewhere. But it still isn't right. I mean we aren't "Sharing" we are "Instructing." But we want to avoid the word "instruction" because it is too similar to "education" and makes us appear to be so rigid so, how about Enlightened? Yeah, that's good

How about:Enlightened Group for Politically Correct Learners

Oh my God! That is so good.

But wait, isn't that a bit arrogant? I mean it is true but you don't want to put people off so why don't we add the word "Reasonably" to the front. That makes us look humble and looking humble is a good thing.

How about: Reasonably Enlightened Politically Correct Learners

Better but not quite. I mean people know we are Politically Correct because we are so smart. Do we have to rub it in? Hmmmm, maybe we could drop that term but going with just "Reasonably Enlightened Group Learning" sounds kind of vague.

How about: Reasonably Enlightened Transmitters of Learning

Yeah that's good because it brings the focus back. But it isn't enough. We are a university after all and that means there must be a professor and a student. We may see ourselves as guides to help our students become the self-actualized beings trapped inside their oppressed, gender confused bodies but we want them to know that we accept them. We are not trying to change them into agents for the majority. Hey wait a minute!

How about:Reasonably Enlightened Transmitters of Acceptance Learners.

Something is wrong grammatically there. I guess it could be "accepted learners" that might work. But then those who were not accepted would suffer irreversible psychic damage.

How about: Reasonably Enlightened Transmission of Academics to Learners.

Not quite, almost, but not quite. Still a little bit too much Moses on Mount Sinai. And we are not all learners, some of us are professors. But the word "Student" is so passé. Disciple! That's it disciple! Our students are our disciples! They carry the good news of progressive education to the whole world. John Dewey would like that term.

How about: Reasonably Enlightened Transmitter of Academic Diciples

Nope. Damn! I need another word. We don't transmit disciples we train them and send them forth! That's it

Reasonably Enlightened Trainers of Academic Disciples

Trainers is a bit of a stretch because after all we merely provide them with the tools to create their own personal narrative that they can then use to reach other confused proto-intellectuals. Our disciples are not merely parroting us. They are finding their own way to be relevant in an absurd, irrelevant world. I've got it

Reasonably Enlightened Trainers of Academically Relevant Disciples

Yeah almost, almost. But our students then go out and start training little children as disciples. I think I really need to put a little of that mission in this. OK. They become disciples and then they are hired based upon their experience. Experience - the philosophy of experience is Existentialism and their existential experiences is how they are relevant and then once they move into schools they are bringing relevance to those schools.

What about: Reasonably Enlightened Trainers of Academically Relevant Disciples Existentially Dispersed

That's good! That very good. My mother always told me I was genius.

But the acrostic won't work

Reasonably Enlightened Trainers of Academically Relevant Disciples Existentially Dispersed

Maybe we should just call it the The Department of Special Education

Until Next Time
Fai Mao
The Blogger who is not very politically correct

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