Tuesday, December 01, 2015

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Guam too Long Test

Take this simple test to determine if you've been on Guam too long

1. What do you think is the purpose of a trip to the world's largest K-Mart on Thursday?
a. An errand to see what is on sale
b. The social highlight of the week

2. What do you think is an appropriate speed limit on a highway?
a. 55 to 75 mph
b. 35 mph but occasionally 45

3. What do you call a stray dog?
a. A stray dog
b. A boonie dog

4. What do you think  about nepotism in government?
a. It is a serious crime
b.It is something that is cured by a vaccination

5. What is a Tang-Tang?
a. A cocktail made from powdered orange juice, vodka and club soda.
b. A small, ugly tree that looks like a mimosa but can't be killed

6. What are poinsettias?
a. A decorative plant at Christmas
b. A noxious weed that grows in your yard

7. What do you think about a daily commute to work of 15 miles?
a. A short commute
b A really long way to go

8. What do you think going to the beach is?
a. A fun family outing
b. What you do when you don't have anything else to do

9. What are the things you look for when house hunting?
a. Curb appeal, floorspace, number of bathrooms and number of bedrooms
b. A concrete roof and a house that is flood, earthquake and tsunami proof

10. What are fruit trees?
a. A desirable addition to your yard
b. a nuisance that make the grass hard to mow

11. What would your reaction be if you received directions to: “go to the overpass and turn right”?
a. Ask "What overpass?"
b. Say “Oh, OK” because there is only one overpass on the island

12. How long does rush hour traffic last?
a. At least an hour probably two or three
b. 15 to 30 minutes

13. Which of these is more likely to break the windshield of your automobile?
a. An errant baseball from a pickup game being played by neighborhood boys
b. A falling coconut

14. What is your response if a checkout clerk at the grocery store says “Half a Day”?
a. You think she is commenting on her work schedule
b. You realize that the word “Hafadai” is hello in Chamorro.

15. What is a “Gwa-ee-ick”?
a. You have no idea
b. A gecko

How to score the test
If you answered “A” to 12 or more of these you are a normal person

If you answered “A” to 7 or 8 of these you have probably lived on Guam but are still a normal person.

If you answered "A" to 5 or 6 of these you have been on Guam a long time

If you answered “A” to 3 or less of these you you need to stay on Guam because people in other places will laugh at you and call you a freak

If you answered “B” to all 15 questions you are probably really angry with me at this time

Until Next Time
Fai Mao