Take this simple test to determine if you've been on Guam too long
1. What do you think is the purpose of
a trip to the world's largest K-Mart on Thursday?
a. An errand to see what is on sale
b. The social highlight of the week
2. What do you think is an appropriate
speed limit on a highway?
a. 55 to 75 mph
b. 35 mph but occasionally 45
3. What do you call a stray dog?
a. A stray dog
b. A boonie dog
4. What do you think about nepotism in
government?
a. It is a serious crime
b.It is something that is cured by a
vaccination
5. What is a Tang-Tang?
a. A cocktail made from powdered
orange juice, vodka and club soda.
b. A small, ugly tree that looks like
a mimosa but can't be killed
6. What are poinsettias?
a. A decorative plant at Christmas
b. A noxious weed that grows in your
yard
7. What do you think about a daily
commute to work of 15 miles?
a. A short commute
b A really long way to go
8. What do you think going to the beach
is?
a. A fun family outing
b. What you do when you don't have
anything else to do
9. What are the things you look for
when house hunting?
a. Curb appeal,
floorspace, number of bathrooms and number of bedrooms
b. A concrete roof and a house
that is flood, earthquake and tsunami proof
10. What are fruit trees?
a. A desirable addition to your yard
b. a nuisance that make the grass hard
to mow
11. What would your reaction be if you
received directions to: “go to the overpass and turn right”?
a. Ask "What overpass?"
b. Say “Oh, OK” because there is
only one overpass on the island
12. How long does rush hour traffic
last?
a. At least an hour probably two or
three
b. 15 to 30 minutes
13. Which of these is more likely to
break the windshield of your automobile?
a. An errant baseball from a pickup
game being played by neighborhood boys
b. A falling coconut
14. What is your response if a checkout
clerk at the grocery store says “Half a Day”?
a. You think she is commenting on her
work schedule
b. You realize that the word “Hafadai”
is hello in Chamorro.
15. What is a “Gwa-ee-ick”?
a. You have no idea
b. A gecko
How to score the test
If you answered “A” to 12 or more
of these you are a normal person
If you answered “A” to 7 or 8 of
these you have probably lived on Guam but are still a normal person.
If you answered "A" to 5 or 6 of these you have been on Guam a long time
If you answered "A" to 5 or 6 of these you have been on Guam a long time
If you answered “A” to 3 or less of
these you you need to stay on Guam because people in other places
will laugh at you and call you a freak
If you answered “B” to all 15
questions you are probably really angry with me at this time
Until Next Time
Fai Mao
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