Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Get over it baby!

I used to engage in moral posturing over people's fascination with celebrities. But then I sort of realized that hating celebrities amounted to the same thing as loving them. They don't really care whether I like them or hate them so long as I know their name. So, I'll make fun of celebrities if I want to and not feel any moral shame at all so long as celebrity bashing doesn't control my life. However, with the death of Nina Wong I needed another famous person to follow. While I can't say that not having a celebrity to hate has really caused me emotional pain there was definitely something missing in my life without one.

Paris Hilton has ridden to my rescue.

She has all the attributes of Nina Wong except the pig-tails and is better looking to boot. She is also the reason that dumb blond jokes exist. I just wish she were a Hong Kong resident.

Her impending jail sentence is just simply funny. Her arrogance in thinking that the law would not apply to her has an almost comic air about it. The idea of Paris being humiliated in a group shower in prison is so Sadistically funny that I can't help but keep from smiling.

However, in reality prisons, even in rather tolerant and enlightened countries are no joke. I don't think anybody deserves the abuse given out to new arrivals and first time offenders by the more hardened prisoners. In this respect prison reform should be a more high priority political item. A 20 something rich girl going to jail for traffic fines and driving while drunk should not have to fear being raped by lesbians while serving her time; even if she a lazy, shallow, vapid and spoiled high dollar tart.

So despite my glee on one hand that she's getting her comeuppance and a taste of the real world, possibly for the first time in her life, I have some well meant and serious advice for her. (Though I seriously doubt she'll ever read it or know about it.)

These are taken and modified from the chapter "What if you're arrested" of the book Worst Case Scenarios which is a book sometimes given to high school graduating students before they go off to university.

  1. Ask for a solitary cell. You really don't want a roommate.
  2. Stay in your cell unless you must leave. If you leave your cell try and stay within about 10 feet of a guard. Use the time to read a book (assuming that Paris can read)
  3. Stay out of the shower. There is normally a sink in the cell take a sink bath. If it means not washing your hair for 45 days so be it.
  4. Don't accept any favors from other prisoners. You don't want to "Owe them a favor"
  5. Don't offer to help anyone. They might expect more help than you can give
  6. Don't initiate a conversation with prisoners.
  7. Answer questions directly, politely and concisely.
  8. If you must be in a common room with other prisoners then sit in a corner with you back against the wall.
  9. Don't cry or weep where others can see you.
  10. Dye your hair and get it cut off before you enter the jail. It might be a best to not look like you.
  11. Obey the guards. They are your only friends. However don't trust them. They can be just as abusive.
  12. It is OK to be afraid but don't let fear paralyze you
Lastly. Count the days down and get out and then stay out. Learn form this that you aren't above the law.

Until Next Time
Fai Mao
The Blogger who has some sympathy for the person he loves to hate

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